Speaking purely of geography, there is not one good goddamn thing about the entire state of Alabama. Do they have an exceptional football team? Sure. Are they better than the Razorbacks? We’ll see about that.

But speaking state-to-state, I would not trade the dirtiest outhouse in Harrison, Arkansas for the penthouse marble crapper in Birmingham.

We’ve been to the Dreamland. The ribs need sauce. And CORRECTION, Gulf Shores WAS nice. In 1978. Then it got destroyed by Hurricane Fredrick and was paved over by a bunch of airbrushed t-shirt vendors from Ala-Fuckin-Bama.

If that offends you because your work-buddy is originally from Huntsville, you need to quit that job. “Yeah, but what about Forrest Gump?” You are Forrest Gump.

There, drink to that.

Smitty’s Garage — 4:30 to 6:30
100 E. Joyce Blvd.

No matter what happens on Saturday, they have to go back to Alabama and we get to stay here. Either way, that’s a win.

Go to FridayAfternoonDrinks.com for details.

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Pics of Lozen’s painting the “artwork” shown above on Instagram