FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — George Sheldon, Executive Director and Curator of the Friday Afternoon Drinking Association, today announced his impending resignation from the organization so that he may focus on a prospective personal and professional scandal based on future transgressions.

When asked for details of the not-yet alleged behavior, Sheldon expressed an interest in keeping his options open. “I really don’t know what I plan to do. But I can assure you, being the head of a global social networking and drinking empire will put a damper on things — whatever perverse and borderline criminal activity that may be.”

Sheldon expressed a budding interest in digital transmission of partially revealing photographs … of himself. “I’ve always wanted to send my wife some pictures that gently pushed the boundaries of taste and decorum. You know, some seriously PG-13 shit.”

When reached for comment, Sheldon's wife said, “No thank you! I just … I don’t want to have to look at that … ever again.”

Despite a ribald sense of humor and a story-telling style that has been described as loosely affiliated with the truth, Sheldon admitted that since turning 30 (almost two decades ago) his life had become, by comparison, “pretty fucking boring.”

“When I see people like Rosanne Barr — that type of shit wouldn’t even occur to me.” Sheldon stated definitively that his preference for Lunesta over Ambien was not "an excuse" for his long-record of acceptable behavior. “She's coming up with colossally, racist hateful tripe that cost her network $40 million. That just makes me feel like I need to rededicate myself to my craft.”

Sheldon's resignation will be effective at the end of the current term. That means including today, we have exactly three (3) FADA’s left.

Sideways — 5:00 to 7:00
311 W. Dickson

The last officially sanctioned Friday Afternoon Drinks will be June 15, at the world-famous Phil’s Pool House. Spouses, significant others, and people who routinely say, “I keep meaning to go to that sometime...” will be warmly encouraged.

Happy Shareholders!