The Twelve Pack of Christmas

/ Hamilton's/
Lords a-Leaping.001.jpeg

Depending on your personal philosophy of the 12 Days of Christmas, today we should be in for NINE (9!!!) Ladies Dancing.  Traditionally, we can only get to Six Geese a-Laying before the whole Holiday Season turns into a real pain in the ass.

That song is 45 minutes long, and calls for gifting 23 birds (7 Swans, 6 Geese, 3 Hens, 2 Doves and 1 Partridge). Hey, thanks True Love, but that's a lot of bird shit!

We bask in the splendor of the miracle of Christmas, the joyous spirit of giving, and Peace on Earth and goodwill towards men (and womyn). We respect all religions equally, but Hanukah never turned College and Joyce into a parking lot, and Kwanza never made me want to scream ‘God rest ye merry gentlemen’ thru my windshield at the asshole who took my parking spot at Best Buy.

If one of your family's holiday traditions is playing a tense 36-hour game of Monopoly with the uncle to whom you can’t talk about religion, politics or anything else, know this: Sterling Hamilton in the Old Shoe just lapped the board and acquired Ventnor Ave. AND Marvin Gardens.  

He will be hosting drinks (Read: Open Bar!!) in his tuxedo, top-hat and monocle at the little-known 4th yellow property — the old Guisinger Music Building (on the Square, corner of W. Mountain St. & S. East Ave).

Sterling's New Club House — 5:00 to 7:00
1 E. Mountain St. (Formerly the Odom Law Firm)

Merry Effing Christmas!