In honor of Women's History Month, we asked a man to write a column about it. Because, you know, we're sensitive and shit.

It is the end of March, the end of Women’s History Month. Let’s be honest, though. What history, exactly, can women claim? There have been an estimated one billion wars since we emerged from the ooze and women have found no reason to go to war while men have found every reason.

Sure, Marie Curie earned a Noble Prize for chemistry and another for physics, but men have been repeating noteworthy behavior far more often…and again…and again…and again…and, well, again.

And, OK, Dorothea Lange used her camera to capture the desperation of the Great Depression, but it took a man from Mississippi to fully understand the power of the lens.

And let’s face it, women can’t take credit for anything before 1920 because they didn’t even bother to vote before then. Sorry, ladies…but slavery, duels, the Triangle Factory Fire and the country’s oddest-ever disaster all belong to the guys.

Despite this inequity in history, let us celebrate the non-war-mongering, non-junk-pic-sending, non-molasses-flood-creating part of our population. And alcohol will be served.

In honor of this Grand Celebration, The Nines is opening up two hours and 30 minutes early exclusively for Friday Afternoon Drinks! We would like to heartily thank Greg Hodges and crew for recognizing that most everyone in this group just can't stay up that late anymore.

The Nines - 4:30 to 6:30
546 W Center St (By the Trail)